Addition Starts and Ends In the Brain

this is the maw of addiction
lazy and lolling tongue
it's waiting depths
speaking like dead relatives
it's screams come all ye faithful
and come towards the light
a warm and crushing blanket
that is lately lined with lead
and a growing certainty
this bulk and gravity will do more than squeeze me
it will inevitably
cause implosion
but it is so fucking cold outside
and we can stay in here love
for a little while.
just a little while.
our sad purpose it seems
is a tragic love affair
come down from on high
a mighty voice simulcast in sacred stereo
gleaming hi-fi of scripture playing
fiery testament
a tent revival epistle to the abyss
which has suddenly become very deep
and very dark.
bad thoughts drive me now
like a whip crack and then a kiss
i am pavlov's dog
i'm a joke of conditioning
based on a reward that isn't anymore.
these cravings
have offspring
each is a wellspring
of orchestra members
growing up strong
to ultimately design and operate the instruments
in a concert of my untimely demise.
(i know what i'm doing back off i can handle this you don't understand you don't know what it's like i don't need you
you're not like me you couldn't handle being me.)
shudder shudder (chills)
toil and stutter
at the moment you would speak release and be free
this is the sum of entropy
and the costly concept of zero calling
the logical total of falling
when you know it's not the fall
but the sudden stop that kills you
so you go on dropping
knowing you gotta hit the ground
what goes up for days
must inevitably come down.
the only thing for it is hard work
and stitches of time
in the rough and bloody hide of imperfection
glaring symbol of what was done
to the self
right across my face
so i see it in the mirror everyday
sealing long and hard
until the glue of biology finishes it
and makes one half of it indistinguishable
the two meanings inseparable
and i am a whole.

By Matthew America

No Biography Submitted.