1
LISTENING TO YOU SOUNDS LIKE A MOTOR'S ENDLESS DRONE AND REMINDS ME WHY THE DEAF ARE SO DAMN LUCKY
No body warned me about having a girlfriend. People warn you about getting a dog - you'll have to walk it, feed it, bathe it, brush it, play with it, devote chunks of your time to it. People warn you: shred your credit card receipts, don't get your shoestrings caught in escalators, masturbating will blind you. Not a word about girlfriends
She cheats on me, pisses off my friends, lost my dog, laughs at my hairline, called me a drunk in front of my mother, moves my stuff, fucks with the volume, refuses to pay utilities, slams doors, killed my azaleas, ashes on my carpet
Seriously,
I've contemplated murder. I poisoned her cat. I steal from her purse. I'm talking shit constantly. It's all incredibly tense. I could shake. I've shook her. I plan to shake the living shit out of her.
But,
She cooks.
Almond meringue, bratwurst, sweet potato french fries, wild duck & okra, pepperoni pizza, green bean casserole, halibut tacos, keylime pie, phyllo crusted chicken, cranberry chutney, hickory smoked bacon, shrimp salad, spinach quesadillas, bird's nest, home brew, gravy
She fucks.
with the blinds open, wild, like a buffalo, loudly, in the car, wearing a thin dress, on all fours, her legs pushed back, screaming, bruising, biting, pissing, drunk on whisky, so people can hear.
I need to break her, bleed her, sell her, press small pins into her uterus, gorge her insecurities. But every morning -- I wake up next to her, thinking, maybe today I will manage once again
to love her.
Jay R. Ligon currently teaches English at Jeju National University in South Korea.
